Am I evil? (Part I)

I grew up in a household scarred with memories of domestic violence, of the terrible things “good men” do when influenced by alcohol and a knowledge of things my parents tried so hard to hide from me that they became obvious.

Being told at the age of 14 that I was “just like your mum’s dad” was heartbreaking. Apart from knowing he had died before I was born, he was rarely talked about by my family. From the few conversations I had overheard, what I did know is that he was a drinker, a cheater, a man of unspeakable violence, a man who terrorised those closest to him.

Being the matriarch of the family, I rarely questioned my grandmother, but after being told this, the words just slipped out of my mouth “How am I like HIM?” I asked. She proceeded to tell me about how he was intelligent and charming and overall a wonderful man. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I knew what he did to her, my mother and uncle. To me, this violence was, and is, inexcusable. He could have been the most wonderful man on earth, but the moment he hurt his family out of anger, he was dirt to me.

When I met A, I would reflect on this moment and kept telling myself I would never be that man, as if the statement was a prophecy. That I was doomed to hurt those I love.

I guess, in some way it was true.

Hello Mr Williams

After a long break, I've started to explore role-play again. Through talking to friends, I have realised that one of the issues with maintaining fulfilling long-term role-plays previously was the lack of definition to my characters. We always developed A's characters, but my own were left nameless.

When asking a writer friend how she names her characters I found myself facing questions that I hadn't even thought of. Simple things, such as "What does he like?" hadn't even crossed my mind at that point. This led me to thinking a lot harder about what and who I wanted to be.

I already knew what I wanted my character to be, a teacher. Having started courting A when we were both at High School, I find the school girl look one that naturally appeals. Of course, I'm not exactly alone in that respect.

I have found the whole process of creating a new identity very enjoyable, everything from what he likes to drink, to deciding on a name. Right now, my partner/s will only know him as Mr Williams, though he does have a full name. If you are ever lucky enough to find it out, then he must like you a lot!

I won't bore you all with the details, if you want to know more about him, just ask me through one of my other profiles.

I will leave you all with this photograph though, I took this nearly 6 years ago now, but I feel that it sums up my current perverted thoughts perfectly.

Big Love

Tonight, my two favourite girls finally said something to each other I know they've wanted to say for a while. I could not be happier.

I don't really have much else to say right now. Except that this picture sums up my thoughts perfectly right now.

It's about time...

I've had online journals for years, but as I've grown and my social circle has changed, I've found myself using these less and less. So I've decided to take the plunge and start a blog, bringing all of my thoughts and experiences into one place.

I intend to give an honest account of my life, as well as my thoughts and observations as a newcomer to the Manchester kink scene.

I hope you enjoy my little rants.